Sunday, 12 February 2017

Back at the Battleground

Kayleigh and Alex walked into chaos.

Bruce and his crew had bright green tee shirts on, they had slogans printed on them that said "Callum the Killer" "Bruce the Bruiser and other idiotic slogans. Heavy metal blasted from speakers and Kayleigh recognised the lyrics, they words were,

"If we sing along, a little fucking louder, to a happy song, I know I'll be ok."

It was one of her favourite songs before the disaster she would listen to it before work

Umbrellas and baseball bats were flying around and a vicious zombie kill was taking place.

Brenton was buzzing.

"Go lads, go"

He was shouting.

"Come into the office, we might have a deal ladies"

Kayleigh and Alex walked into the office, Lauren was already there, her twisted mouth had a small smile and for once her long, straight hair was pulled back from her pale face.

"I looked at the CCTV and ladies, even though you both killed two pillars of this office they were zombies"

"So we have our job back"

Asked Alex,

"Not quite, I want a number from you ladies."

"Oh yes"

"You've got Lauren to thank, I want the magic number from that phone,, what's his name, The Power Guy".

"I'll talk to Alex in private first."

Said Kayleigh, with unusual confidence.

"I thought you'd say that, so I have a deal"

Just then a zombie burst through the glass wall, Kayleigh and Alex killed him quickly and cleanly and dragged them out of the small office quickly.

"I know how good you are at killing the zombie thing so I made you some tee shirts and you can be in the second team of zombie killers."

Brenton proudly got some hen night, hot pink, Hen night polo shirts and in comic sans was written,

"Lady Killerz"

The three girls rolled their eyes in total unison.

"Look, Alex at the introductory  "Let's make friends ceremony you said your favorite colour's blue, so look what it says.

"Mental Murderer"

And Kayliegh, you've got that first aid certificate, so yours says"

Brenton held up the shirt proudly

"The Nurse"

And Alex, this is my favourite,

"Loopy Lauren"

"Now ladies, you'll be on the second team, cleaning up and second in line for defence."


Shouted Lauren

Bruce came smashing through the glass, he roared in everyone's faces, Lauren, Alex and Kayleigh killed him.

Brenton looked pale,

"Well done ladies, sod it I need you, welcome back."

Techno now blasted through the floor, but nobody was dancing. Everyone was smacking each other.

Alex, Kayleigh and Lauren took charge

"Everyone calm down"

There were 3 more zombies who used to be on the phone. Alex turned to Brenton as snarled,

"They did a good job"

Brenton became quiet. Lauren sat down at her desk and opened a notebook, Brenton looked over her shoulder.

There were handwritten notes and diagrams, she started to write. Lauren was writing down patterns in the zombie's behaviour and trying to work out what people into zombies.

"Lauren that's a really good idea."

Said Brenton, Lauren was shocked at the praise and felt very uncomfortable with being praised by her boss.

"So what do you think it all means" asked Brenton.

Lauren shrugged her shoulders even though vivid 3 d pictures were forming in her mind and explanations were streaming to her.

Breton tried to understand,

"Lauren, you got you mates jobs back, you're making this book, I know how clever you are, you just need to talk to us, we're all on the same side now, and you look better with all that hair out of your face."

Praise from anyone in authority was incredibly unfamiliar, it was strange that someone in authority respected her because she had no respect for authority.

"And the number"

"Lauren said quietly, you need us, what can you do for us?"

Brenton walked off, and decided that love bombing may not work on Lauren and he would need another plan, he wanted this call centre to be the only branch listening to complaints about broken high heels and jeans that should have been ripped came perfect in the country, zombies may even bring promotion.

Thursday, 2 February 2017

A Holiday in The Sun

"And we have a few zombies out at "Coztford" so get those weapons ready if you're going to that lovely neck of the woods."

"Oh dear."

Growled Kayleigh's dad,

"We'll have to get Mad Micky to get his gun so we can get you back safely, Kayleigh, get on your moby".

Kayleigh rang Mad Mick and Alex felt a little better about her journey to the pretty village.

The weather carnage had finished and unfamiliar blue skies opened up. The car sped by zombies and people were just a movie through glass to Alex, a car journey with a large man and the lovely familiar Kayleigh made Alex feel safe, a feeling that was becoming rarer every day.

At the end of a path "Mad Mick" was stood with a long gun, the crew ran towards Mick as he flanked them while they walked up the muddy lane.  They got to the rambling farmhouse into a kitchen.

"Kayleigh, what happened"?

A large curly haired woman exclaimed

"Mum it was horrible, I had to kill Jenny

"She saved my life, she's great"

Alex talked with real emotion, and that had been rare since the disaster.

"Alex hasn't got anyone, can she stay for a bit?"

"Of course, she looks like she needs some love."
Kayleigh's dad interrupted
"But we've got the Smiths mob in the main bedroom, we can't feed all these people, or fit them all in."

""But cousin Billy feeds us!

"And I can pay my own way, I don't take up much room"

Alex interrupted.

"Well if you don't mind a corner and you give up some money you can stay."

Growled Kayleigh's dad.

A big family dinner fed Kayleigh's stomach and the company woke up her soul, Mad Mick kept this large tribe safe.

"Bloody hell Alex, it's 10 o clock"

Exclaimed Kayleigh.

Alex looked at her phone,

"There's a missed call from work"

And then Kayleigh looked at her phone,

"Me too".

"Alex you ring"

Alex looked around the small, spare room, the house felt full of refugees but happy refugees.  The family seemed so loving that now there was an emergency there was a loving crew around them.

"OK, said Alex, I'll ring work"

Alex was nervous as the soothing but banal hold music looped, eventually she got to talk.

"Hello Brenton"

Said Alex.

"Can you come in today?, I'm hoping Kayleigh will get back to me also".

Alex's mind whirred quickly, yes and no flipped through her mind,

"OK, I'll come in"

She pressed the screen on her mobile and looked at Kayleigh,

"Brenton wants to see you."

Sunday, 15 January 2017

The Battle of the Call Centre

Alex loathed the rain, a little more than she loathed another day in reality. It was the weather to shoot a horror movie, humid rain, lightening, bruise-colored skies and rain from a more primitive time.

Alex stretched, rubbed her eyes, had a shower and then straightened her unruly, short hair and then smoothed on her makeup.The ritual soothed her, she painted on pretty cheeks, painted on dainty sculpted eyes in a pretty, silvery pink.  In the chaos, makeup and hair always got ruined but a little feminine normality was therapy but normally never lasted, nothing lasted.

Before the disaster, an umbrella would have been a gadget to stop her face getting wrecked and her hair turning to short snakes but now an umbrella was a weapon. Alex opened the door and braced herself for another morning of killing creatures that were once souls.  A big ex-man roared in her face and with a controlled rage she smacked him across the face, and then again, and then again until he fell, and then while he was laid out on the ground she stabbed him through the torso.Alex had become twisted since the disaster, she was vegetarian just because eating dead animals seemed illogical and revolting and now she was killing random people and different, bloodthirsty ways.

Alex looked at her watch, she was early as ever as the journey to work became as unpredictable as a bad trip.She waited at the bus stop wondering if the fat, gross bus driver was now a zombie, Alex wondered how many faces that made up the wallpaper of her life were now crazed creatures. Alex had found an ancient part of her brain that was hyper focused on survival, noises were louder, colors brighter and time had become distorted. The lightening made the scene slightly more terrifying and her senses Alex's senses were slightly more alert. She saw a tiny, lit up figure from a long way, she scanned him for signs of being on her a zombie with a checklist, the walk looked good, she had a good, upright gait, there was no roaring and shouting and as she got closer she looked fine.


Said the woman. Alex looked the woman up and down.


Said Alex quietly.

"God, you look good".


Alex replied.

Alex just wanted to survive alone, since her daily killing sprees her emotions had closed down. Getting to know people may mean a broken soul when normal people turned vicious.

"Mad isn't it".

The soft-skinned woman looked deeply scared, Alex tried to keep her emotion to a minimum.


Shouted Alex,


The women tried not to look in the woman's eyes and started to pummel her. Blood and organs splatter on the road. The women did a grim high five as they looked at the ex-woman.

"Poor thing"

Said the woman.


Said Alex,

"get any ideas that you did anything wrong out of your head, she didn't have a life, she was just a monster, she's an ex-person."

The bus came and the women were relieved it was being driven by a gross bus driver and the rain-sodden faces were averagely depressed and ugly. Alex and the pretty young woman got on the bus quickly and the doors slammed behind them and they both could breathe.

The lightning got worse as Alex had to get off the bus and make the now horrendous journey to the office. She brandished her umbrella and stayed alerted on the short journey to the tacky red brick building that housed hundreds of workers. The trip was uneventful other than the horror movie rain.
Alex ran into the building and shouted,


She looked over to the security guard who to her horror now had a dripping face. This kill was essential but would be difficult. Bob was a small constant in her life, a gossip buddy, a person to talk through her problems with illogical people and a good laugh. She tried to run past Bob so she wouldn't need to slaughter him but he ran towards her so in an emotional quandary she killed Bob with her umbrella.

Alex felt tears in her eyes but then remembered her own advice, Bob wasn't human anymore.Nobody had a cure for these zombies, they could be your mum, dad, best friend or lover once they turned it was your duty to kill them. Alex buried all emotions and then with a huge flash of lightening the lights went out.

It took a few minutes for the green emergency lights to come on, once they sparked to light Alex ran up the stairs. The office had started to empty out since the disaster and Alex wasn't sure why she kept making the potentially lethal trip to work but it was a ritual like makeup and hair, work was normality. The lights were still an eerie, emergency green but the phones and computers were powered by a generator so the day went on.

After the short ritual of logging into her phone and getting through passwords, the beep came.

"I'm furious, the driver came with my interview clothes and he only had half a face, why do you employ those useless zombies?"

Alex sometimes felt she had nothing to say to these calls. She went to her updates page on the screen to see what the latest script was and purred

"I'm so sorry for any inconvenience, it must have been very distressing".

"Do you think I give a shit about those stupid zombies? I've got an interview, my office is full of those idiots."

"I just need to pull up your details"

Alex wanted to shout or laugh at the caller but Alex kept her relaxed but authoritative tone

"Can I have your postcode, please?"

"Yes, it's SE14 4LQ"

The caller's voice dripped with sarcasm and spite, Alex carried on with the call calmly.

"Thanks, now I can help you."

"Fucking useless zombies are everywhere you know, they're like a disease, I love killing them, doing the government's job for them."

The caller got irate as Alex asked her details.

Alex looked up and her boss was staring at her with yellow eyes and a bloodied face and a very crazed look. Her friend beat Jenny with and umbrella while Alex called the delivery company.

"Kayleigh, thanks so much, I know how much you hate killing".

Kayleigh went to hug Alex, Alex hesitated then realized she needed the human contact, so with her mind on full alert she took some much needed human contact.

Alex's work-mates looked at Alex and Kayleigh with shocked faces.

"We had to" Said Kayleigh

Just then, they green lights, the glow of the computers and the office went dark, the generator was only designed to power the building for a few minutes. Thunder rumbled outside and lightening illuminated panicked faces for a few seconds and room that was full of voices and activity was full of petrified people.

"There's no security guard"

Shouted Alex. The next flash of lightning showed true horror on peoples' faces.

"I'll guard the door, Kayleigh, come with me."

Kayleigh and Alex walked to the door and brandished their brollys.

"Someone, text the power guy while I guard".

Shouted Alex.

Kayleigh handed over her phone. The "power guy" was a retired engineer who could get the power back on, his real identity was a mystery but Kayleigh had this man's phone number. The account manager shouted over to Alex,

"Alex I'm in charge".

A boo went up, Alex felt nervous, she had gone above her position.

"Alex and Kayleigh know what they're doing"

A flash of lightning lit up Lauren's face and the manager had nothing to say.

Alex shouted,

Get your weapon line up, they're coming".

Brolly's and baseball bats and rackets came out and the zombies lolloped up the stairs,

"Get ready"

Shouted Alex and Kayleigh together.

Alex picked of zombies and killed them in various ways, the ones who got past were killed by Kayleigh and Lauren and a few were killed by the manager. The attack was at last over.

"Lauren, you're hard, help me move these bodies."

Shouted Alex.,


Shouted the site manager Brenton shouted

"I'll do that with Bruce.".

Alex was relieved that someone else was doing something, and that someone else would have to smell death and look at internal organs and shudder at the half lives last expression on their faces.

"Sexist bastard"

Whispered Lauren.

"Yes, but we can't do everything"

Whispered Alex. Lauren nodded.

The main lights flashed on, the "power guy" had done his job .

"That's amazing"

Exclaimed Brenton,

" I think we're the only branch still going".

"Back on the phones people, apart from Kayleigh and Alex"

Everyone looked a little pale other than Bruce and and his gang who had large blacks in their eyes and excited expressions.

Kayleigh and Alex looked at each other and followed Breton into the office,.

"Take a seat ladies, we need words".

"Between you, you've murdered Jenny and Bob, what do you have to say for yourselves?"

"They were zombies "

Said Alex,

"Bob was about to kill me and Kayleigh saved my life."

"You can't stay here, not until I've seen the CCTV,"

"But we saved so many people just now."

Exclaimed Kayleigh,

"Not with my permission"

answered Brenton.

"I want a specialist team of super killers"

Brenton walked over to a flip chard and showed the girls a chart,

"There's Bruce, Matt, Callum and Brian, they're be doing the killing."

"But we're good"

Exclaimed Alex.

The girls had to walk down the stairs in silence, as they got outside to the now peaceful day and emotions spewed out like organs from a zombie.

"For fucks sake, we got there first, we were good"

Kayleigh gave Alex a hug, Alex needed the hug but wanted to pull away,

"Kayleigh, I've got nothing else, I hate that bloody job, it's all I have".

"Fuck, zombie"

Shouted Alex. The girls brandished their brollies and killed yet another zombie.

"Where do I go?"

Alex almost made a tear.

"My house, my dad will pick us up"

Alex nodded, she couldn't be bothered to speak.

Alex felt hugged in the car, Kayleigh's dad looked like a bear, zombie forecasts were read out on the car radio by a moronic sounding, happy DJ. Kayleigh watched the sun come out as the car left the city.

Thursday, 1 December 2016


The world is covered with vicious glitter,

Every clashing colour incased in white,

The frigid air stops the sound

the last bright Autumn leaves

are leaving the trees

never has a death of nature

looked so lovely.

Friday, 26 August 2016


I'll break your heart
with a velvet hammer,
and crush your soul
in rose petals
because this can't work
but I still love you.

I love the way you smile
and the way you made me feel
like a best mate with passion
so safe yet dangerous.

I loved your stories,
like a young granddad
laughed at my jokes.

But I know you're telling soft lies,
killing us so gently
you think I wont notice
but I see all
and it's too blurred.

Too blurred to carry on,
and I think you agree
so I'll remember sun drenched days
and forget the worst,
the lies covered in roses.

Tuesday, 26 July 2016

The Animals

Big claws,

Alert, yet soulless eyes,

The animals have come to eat.

They come to invade,

to eat positivity

to choke any light

to feed off love.

And love becomes empty

replaced by fear

emotions detach themselves

and take up residence in the dirt.

And they run  with any diamonds

that were ever in your bones

and laugh at any light

only leaving you a blank expression

and an emptiness that scares the world.

They fear you are an animal too,

With tiny eyes that  only see shades of black

and claws to kill anyone close.

So the people stay away.

And the animals

need to be starved,

and tamed

and love will be their only poison.

Tuesday, 24 May 2016

Cake, Zombies and domestic violence.

The frying pan hit the rotting face at the perfect angle, the skull shattered and he was no longer an undead monstrosity but at peace with the world and just dead.

"Well done my man"

Josh's mum never had much reason to be proud but since the  "Armageddon" he seemed lots happier. The only achievement that Josh managed was beating grown men at bloodthirsty war games online. Nobody realised one day he could transfer his skills to save lives and kill zombies.

Chantel was the second line of defence as her "ADHD" meant she had been up all night watching blooded figures to see if there was any pattern so this nuclear meltdown of a family could defend themselves better and Chantel could use her legendry aggression to fight off monsters with cricket bats, she too was happy.

A carrier bag skidded down the corridor.

"Nice one, Billy"

Mum shouted down the corridor.

Billy had never walked out of a shop and paid for anything in his life so the end of the world just meant he had to fight zombies and other looters, life was more colourful now, mostly shades of red from the blood he seemed to be permanently covered in from killing zombies for cake; but his family needed to be nourished and feed their sugar addictions and fights for cake could get practically bloody and not all the bloodstains were from fighting the zombies, civilised people needed their junk.

"I wonder if the social worker's still alive"

"I wonder" answered Chantel.

There was a scream from the front garden, mum and Chantel ran and found a dead zombie along with a pale but alive social worker.

"Show us your eyes"

Mum glared menacingly at the very patient social worker to see the yellow whites and misshapen pupils, the sign of the zombie. Them mum thought it through, would a zombie social worker keep her appointments? It seemed unlikely.

"Fancy a cherry slice"

"You have cake?"

Dribbled the social worker

"Yep" smiled mum, "we have cake"

Mum and Chantel cut a precious slice in half and shared it. The had learnt to appreciate sugar since Armageddon so they had lost a large part of their excess bodies, hitting zombies meant her arms  like something off an infomercial for some exercise gadget. They were sharp enough to know Mr Kippling's workforce were probably wandering round with their flesh falling off so cake would have to last until the government got around to killing them more efficiently then the non zombies with nothing but sports equipment and frying pans.

"How's it going"

Asked the social worker.

"To be honest with you we're all very happy"

"Aren't the kids meant to be in school".

The social worker felt ridiculous as she said it, for a while school had been opened. At first, frightened of fines parents battled through the undead, from the posh set ramming though a graveyard rave in their four by fours to the council estate mums using their hard but unemployed son's as protection, but first the lads got infected and them the nanny's and then the posh mums so school had become pointless, only a few of the hardest were supposed to survive and this family and social worker were some of the chosen few.


Came an ear piercing scream. Chantel and Mum ran to help, there was a large man with stained clothes, he had the yellow eyes and  glazed expression, mum put her large frame behind a huge whack that spread his brains across the floor.

"That's your dad, oh my god kids, I'm so sorry"

"He was a zombie anyway" Chantel said, "well done".

Josh didn't see the misshapen pupils and this man took several large blows that a rotting zombie would have died of, when Chantel said "he was a zombie anyway" she was right, booze and drugs turn him from a protector to aggressor. Dad meant this family was used to defending themselves from zombies, and now they most harmful one was dead.

"Well" said the social worker, desperate times call for desperate measures, you have food, the main problem is dead, so give us a packet of biscuits and I'm off".

Josh was the gentleman and chased off some zombies, the social worker could ration out her biscuits to feed her sugar addiction while thanks to Armageddon this nuclear fall out family found their peace.